my story
"What gives Bayley
Baker the authority to tell me how to love myself? What does she know, anyway?
Christ, she even had the audacity to call her blog a handbook. She's only 18!
What could she possibly have to share??? Entitled millennials these days. Etc
etc etc, yadda yadda yadda."
These are all questions you
may be asking yourself. They are valid, and I will answer them to the best of
my ability now. You deserve answers, dear reader.
To make a long story short:
I haven't always loved myself, but I didn't always dislike myself, either.
Now, I'm going to make that
short story long. (Sorry. It's in my nature. I'm wordy.)
Our story begins in Clearwater, Kansas. It's a very small town just southwest of Wichita. I grew up here.
I grew up chubby. Big-boned, fat, thick, curvy: whatever terminology one prefers. I was born a plump baby and never lost the weight. So to speak, I have always had plenty of “meat on my bones”.
I grew up chubby. Big-boned, fat, thick, curvy: whatever terminology one prefers. I was born a plump baby and never lost the weight. So to speak, I have always had plenty of “meat on my bones”.
As a small child, I didn’t
care much about what others thought of my body or if I was considered
attractive to others. All I knew was how I was. I liked my squishy tummy and
round, cherubic cheeks.
Then came puberty. I
developed very early for my age, and very suddenly. Seemingly overnight, my
hips curved out from my waist at wide angles. My stomach ballooned out from my
ribcage and my thighs widened noticeably when I sat. Eventually, society’s standards
of beauty began to worm their way into my head. They soon became my demons.
I remember flipping through
magazines and wondering why my body didn’t look like the models’ on the glossy
pages. I sat with friends around lunch tables and studied their faces, envious
of their angular cheekbones. These observations made me feel like my body was
flawed, and in turn, so was I. I began to directly connect my self-worth to how
I perceived my body.
I would definitely not
recommend doing any of this, by the way. It sucked. It reaaallllyyyy sucked. If
I could, I would hug that younger Bayley and tell her that everything is going
to be alright and that she is beautiful and amazing and smart and funny and
cute and kind and lovable and great.
But I can't do that because
time travel is not a thing that presently exists, so instead, I'm telling you
about it.
A logical question you may
be wanting to ask me is this: "Bayley, you wise, brunette goddess, what
made you want to stop all that negative thinking and love yourself?
The answer is simply this:
I got tired of it. Not liking who you are is absolutely exhausting. It is
SOOOOO much easier to love yourself. I thought to myself, "This sucks. I
am sad and depressing to be around and I spend too much time in my bed because
of this. I'm going to make an effort not to be this way anymore." And
that's it.
It really is that simple. A
huge, earth-shattering epiphany really isn't necessary. You don't need a man to
tell you that you're a beautiful golden sunflower blooming from the sweet soil
of the Earth to kickstart your self-love journey. (I will discuss the idea of
self-love stemming from romantic love in a later post. Spoiler alert: it is not
a good idea. You don't need a man, girl!)
After that, I made a
conscious effort every single day to boost my self-confidence, think positive
thoughts about my body, and love myself. I would stand in front of the mirror
and say the following aloud: "I love myself." "I look beautiful
today!" "My butt looks great in these jeans." "I am
intelligent." "I have a kind heart." "I will succeed."
Little things like this made me feel more positive immediately. They were baby
steps, but they mattered.
That was only the
beginning. I have come so far since then. I am so much happier now. I am
walking, breathing, living proof that self-love can change your life.
Like I mentioned in
previous posts, self-love is a journey. It doesn't happen instantaneously.
However, the decision to love yourself can be made in an instant.
Here is what I want you to
do right now, my friend. I want you to stop reading this post, look up from
your computer or phone, and say these words out loud: "I love
myself."
Say the words. Nay, feel
them in your heart and soul! Isn't it great? The word I like to use is "euphoric".
You're on your way. I'm
still on my journey, too. We're in this together.
Take care.
BB
Photo above credited to my junior year prom date, Nathan Pogue©.
I love this blog and it's content so much! Keep up the wonderful posts!
ReplyDeleteI love this so much! You're such a great example for girls everywhere. You're confidence shows and it's great! Keep up the awesome posts.
ReplyDelete