the self-love handbook

Home Archive for 2016

Over the course of the past week, I've felt like I've been living on another planet.

Donald Trump is the president-elect of the United States.

A man who has been recorded on tape saying awful and invasive things about women will soon hold the highest office in the developed world. Millions of people cast their ballots in his name despite all that he has done and said over the past year and a half.

Many are shocked. Many are disheartened. Many are terrified.

For those of you who are scared, and angry, and hopeless, I hear you. I am all of those things, too. I want to encourage you not to forget about self-care in the coming months (and the next four years). I know this is a hard time. But we must not lose hope, and we must not forget to take care of our bodies and minds.

Drink water. Take some time for yourself. Do something you enjoy doing. Watch the sun rise. Treat yourself to an ice cream cone. Call your mom. Have a picnic with a loved one. Catch up with an old friend. Re-read your favorite book.

Be angry, but do not let anger consume you. Be informed, but do not remain glued to your screen. Hold strong in your beliefs, but do not become hateful.

Spread love to those around you who are also scared. Be there for each other. Unite. We are stronger together.

This is a very difficult time for many Americans. Now is the time to seek compassion in the very depths of your heart and feel the pain of others reverberate in your lungs. We are all on the same boat, and it is sinking.

Be strong. Be brave. Fight back. & love yourself.

BB.

{This blog post is dedicated to Hillary Clinton, an incredibly strong woman who worked tirelessly her entire life for a shot at the presidency only to be defeated by a man with zero political expertise whatsoever. I'm so sorry, Hillary. My heart absolutely aches for you. You weren't my candidate to start with, but I voted for you with peace in my heart. As you watch the popular vote continue to climb in your name, I hope you know that it should have been you, not him.}

Over the course of the past week, I've felt like I've been living on another planet. Donald Trump is the president-elect of the Un...

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My dear readers! I sincerely hope you are all doing well and thoroughly loving yourselves.

I write to you today to share a tip of mine. I do this almost every day, and although it is a small thing to do, it helps.

You've heard of people tying a ribbon or string around their finger to remind them to do something. Today, I encourage you to take that same logic and apply it to self-love.

Photo credited here: http://weliveinspired.com/tips-tutorials/tip-of-the-week-my-money-saving-online-shopping-secrets/attachment/retro-string-around-finger/ by Rebekah Ann Stephenson

Think of a specific part of your body as the ribbon. Ideally, choose a part of your body that you don't necessarily like. It could be your belly button, the freckles on your nose, the dimples in your thighs, the stretch marks on your tummy, your chubby cheeks, your double chin, your armpit chub, your bony legs, your frizzy hair, etc. Choose something that makes you feel bad about yourself.

For me, my ribbon is how my tummy pooches out. I have the opposite of a flat tummy. I am not a fan of this.

Now that you have your "ribbon", apply the aforementioned logic. Every time you look at this body part, remind yourself to LOVE yourself. Remind yourself of all the things that you love about your body. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, that you are smart, sexy, confident, and beautiful.

By doing this, you rewire your brain. Instead of seeing that body part and thinking about how much you hate it, you begin to associate it with loving yourself and positive thinking. Eventually, the very sight of this body part will trigger your brain to love yourself. It's a beautiful thing.

Find your ribbon. Flip the script. Take something you hate and turn it into something that encourages you to love.

Give it a try. It certainly works for me!

Best of luck to you all.

My dear readers! I sincerely hope you are all doing well and thoroughly loving yourselves. I write to you today to share a tip of mine. ...

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Hello, dear readers! I hope this post finds you well.

Today, I'm going to be discussing the distinct and very important separation between self-love and romantic love. I am very passionate about this particular topic and find it crucial to talk about.

Should self-love stem from romantic love? The short answer is: no. The long answer is as follows:

Self-love (emphasis on the word self) should come from within. That's sort of the whole point.

I will say this once and I will say it again: you DO NOT need a significant other to love you in order to love yourself. You ABSOLUTELY need to learn to love yourself outside of romantic love. This is VITAL INFO, people. VITAL.

And if you DO happen to be in a relationship? Great! But your self-love shouldn't come from that. There are no exceptions to this rule.

You don't need a special someone to tell you that you are radiant and beautiful and inspiring and confident and compassionate and full of love and laughter and warmth. You should learn to become and believe those things all on your own! That's what self-love is!!!

Of course, romantic partners are wonderful in their own right. I love my boyfriend, Nathan, very much, and he loves me the same. But my love for myself doesn't stem from our relationship. It comes from within me (as it should!). And the best part is, he loves himself, too! Because of this, we have no problem loving each other. We are very happy together. (Okay, now I'm just gloating. Moving on.)

This brings up another point: the idea that romantic relationships are actually healthier and more likely to succeed in the long term when both parties love themselves.

It is quite difficult to believe another person loves you if you don't love yourself first. This can lead to feelings of doubt, confusion, and more self-hatred. "If I don't even like myself, how can another person possibly love me???" is a common thought among self-doubters.

This mindset is a recipe for disaster and often leads relationships to crumble. Not good.

Embedded here is a YouTube video by The School of Life detailing this concept of a lack of self-love negatively affecting relationships.

Clearly, self-love is an important and mature first step in the world of romantic love. It makes relationships easier, healthier, and more fulfilling.

If you take away only one thing from this post, let it be this: self-love comes first. Romantic love comes second.

My dear readers, if you happen to be single, I encourage you to treat yourself this evening and take a hot bath and eat an entire cake and watch your favorite movie and read a good book and pet a dog. Indulge in your self-love. You deserve it!

If you happen to be in a relationship like myself? Do the same thing. Invite your special someone to join you. Ask them if they love themselves. If not, perhaps direct them to my blog. (Shameless plug.)

A website I love is called "Tiny Buddha". They offer lots of inspiring wisdom. They have an article addressing this issue as well: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-self-love-is-the-key-to-finding-true-love/ It's worth reading!

Love yourself, and surround yourself with people who love themselves (and you!), too.

You are deserving of love from all angles.

Take care.

BB

Hello, dear readers! I hope this post finds you well. Today, I'm going to be discussing the distinct and very important separation bet...

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The law of attraction.

"The law of attraction is the name given to the maxim "like attracts like" which in New Thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction_(New_Thought)

You are what you think. Your mind is at the core of your being.

Your thoughts and what they focus on control your worldview, and thus, your life.

By this logic, if you were to focus on positive, optimistic thoughts, you would become a more positive, optimistic person.

This is where positive affirmations come in. My favorite!

Affirmations are statements that you say not to another person, but to yourself. They are meant to change your mentality in a positive fashion and help you visualize the future and mindset that you want. With time, positive affirmations can become statements that you truly believe in (as opposed to just silly things you tell yourself).

Positive affirmations are a wonderful thing. I believe in their power wholeheartedly and believe they can play a vital role in one's journey to self-love.

Tell yourself you love yourself (even if you don't) (you should though!). Tell yourself that you are beautiful and smart and funny and kind and worthy of love and success. Even if you don't believe any of those things (which you should!), think them. Tell yourself what you wish you believed.

Slowly, you may start to believe yourself. And voila, you've made progress in your wonderful, fascinating, liberating, unique self-love journey.

Positive affirmations encourage us to be kind to ourselves and be our own biggest fans. I love them, I believe in them, and I have no doubt that you will, too.

I have a challenge for you, dear reader. Find two minutes a day to try positive affirmations. Whether it be when you wake up, eat lunch, tuck yourself into bed, or anything else in between, two minutes. Every day. That's all I ask.

Feel the words course through you. Say or think them with confidence. Believe them.

If you need help getting started, an article by the Huffington Post features a list of some of my favorite affirmations, linked here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/affirmations_b_3527028.html

Believe in the affirmations, and believe in yourself.

Give them a try. I promise you won't regret it.

BB

The law of attraction. "The law of attraction is the name given to the maxim "like attracts like" which in New Thought philo...

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"What gives Bayley Baker the authority to tell me how to love myself? What does she know, anyway? Christ, she even had the audacity to call her blog a handbook. She's only 18! What could she possibly have to share??? Entitled millennials these days. Etc etc etc, yadda yadda yadda."

These are all questions you may be asking yourself. They are valid, and I will answer them to the best of my ability now. You deserve answers, dear reader.

To make a long story short: I haven't always loved myself, but I didn't always dislike myself, either.

Now, I'm going to make that short story long. (Sorry. It's in my nature. I'm wordy.)

Our story begins in Clearwater, Kansas. It's a very small town just southwest of Wichita. I grew up here.

I grew up chubby. Big-boned, fat, thick, curvy: whatever terminology one prefers. I was born a plump baby and never lost the weight. So to speak, I have always had plenty of “meat on my bones”.

As a small child, I didn’t care much about what others thought of my body or if I was considered attractive to others. All I knew was how I was. I liked my squishy tummy and round, cherubic cheeks.

Then came puberty. I developed very early for my age, and very suddenly. Seemingly overnight, my hips curved out from my waist at wide angles. My stomach ballooned out from my ribcage and my thighs widened noticeably when I sat. Eventually, society’s standards of beauty began to worm their way into my head. They soon became my demons.

I remember flipping through magazines and wondering why my body didn’t look like the models’ on the glossy pages. I sat with friends around lunch tables and studied their faces, envious of their angular cheekbones. These observations made me feel like my body was flawed, and in turn, so was I. I began to directly connect my self-worth to how I perceived my body.

I would definitely not recommend doing any of this, by the way. It sucked. It reaaallllyyyy sucked. If I could, I would hug that younger Bayley and tell her that everything is going to be alright and that she is beautiful and amazing and smart and funny and cute and kind and lovable and great.

But I can't do that because time travel is not a thing that presently exists, so instead, I'm telling you about it.

A logical question you may be wanting to ask me is this: "Bayley, you wise, brunette goddess, what made you want to stop all that negative thinking and love yourself?

The answer is simply this: I got tired of it. Not liking who you are is absolutely exhausting. It is SOOOOO much easier to love yourself. I thought to myself, "This sucks. I am sad and depressing to be around and I spend too much time in my bed because of this. I'm going to make an effort not to be this way anymore." And that's it.

It really is that simple. A huge, earth-shattering epiphany really isn't necessary. You don't need a man to tell you that you're a beautiful golden sunflower blooming from the sweet soil of the Earth to kickstart your self-love journey. (I will discuss the idea of self-love stemming from romantic love in a later post. Spoiler alert: it is not a good idea. You don't need a man, girl!)

After that, I made a conscious effort every single day to boost my self-confidence, think positive thoughts about my body, and love myself. I would stand in front of the mirror and say the following aloud: "I love myself." "I look beautiful today!" "My butt looks great in these jeans." "I am intelligent." "I have a kind heart." "I will succeed." Little things like this made me feel more positive immediately. They were baby steps, but they mattered.

That was only the beginning. I have come so far since then. I am so much happier now. I am walking, breathing, living proof that self-love can change your life.

Like I mentioned in previous posts, self-love is a journey. It doesn't happen instantaneously. However, the decision to love yourself can be made in an instant.

Here is what I want you to do right now, my friend. I want you to stop reading this post, look up from your computer or phone, and say these words out loud: "I love myself."

Say the words. Nay, feel them in your heart and soul! Isn't it great? The word I like to use is "euphoric".

You're on your way. I'm still on my journey, too. We're in this together.

Take care.

"What gives Bayley Baker the authority to tell me how to love myself? What does she know, anyway? Christ, she even had the audacity t...

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Hello! & welcome to the self-love handbook. Your journey to loving yourself thoroughly and completely starts here.

It is not unbeknownst to me that many people reading this will likely consider this blog very self-centered and narcissistic. Here is my message to you, naysayer: it's okay to love yourself. Can we please move away from this idea that it's ugly and self-absorbed and selfish and terrible to say you love who you are? What could possibly be wrong with that? It's amazing to feel that way about yourself! It's beautiful and inspiring and great! Shout it from the rooftops: I LOVE MYSELF. Above all else, it's liberating.

This blog will illustrate the many benefits of developing a happy, healthy relationship with yourself and how a little dose of self-confidence can actively change your life. That's right. This blog is going to CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration. Considering I'm only eighteen years old, I won't try to fool you into thinking I have it all figured out and years upon years of life-altering experiences under my belt to share with you. I don't. My apologies if you were under that impression.

Anyway. So, now you know my age. A little more about me: my name is Bayley Baker, and I didn't always love myself. In fact, I used to hate a lot of things about myself. I hated my body and the way my upper arms jiggled and my loud laugh and my big feet and my chubby cheeks. I hated my big bones and my curvy hips and my hooded eyelids.

But now I love myself and who I am as a person and my chubby everything and I don't care who knows it!!!!

It took years of conscious decision-making and changing the way I think about myself and the world around me to reach this point. I won't lie to you and tell you that one day I just woke up and fell in love with myself and never had an insecure thought again. That would be wonderful, of course, but it's simply not that easy.

If you only take away one thing from this blog, let it be this: self-love is a journey. It is a living, breathing voyage that takes you on a long, winding path to your destination. (A destination that I haven't even reached yet! Complete and total unadulterated self-love?! Sounds like a fantasy.) It is an uphill battle that takes courage, determination, and the occasional bowl of ice cream. It's a rollercoaster with enough ups and downs to make you hurl. It is like nothing else.

My hope is that this "handbook" will stick with you every step of the way and encourage you to take charge of your life and how you perceive yourself. It all starts with you.

H ello! & welcome to the self-love handbook. Your journey to loving yourself thoroughly and completely starts here. It is not unbekno...

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the self-love handbook

a guide to loving yourself

START HERE

the future is female

my voice

the slideshow

self-love in the wake of the 2016 presidential election

book recommendations

brains over beauty

dove's self-esteem project

self-love for men

miss representation

the science behind self-love

let it go

self-love tips & tricks: my daily reminder technique

TED x self-love

the self-love morning routine

romantic love and self-love

affirmations

you are uniquely you

my story

how to love yourself: the basics

loving bayley baker